I'VE GOT 99 PROBLEMS AND THE BITCH AIN'T ONE

"Noah, I have evaluated the second draft of your screenplay."
Proffesor Oliver's gaze pierced Noah's very being, a controlled gaze that had the power to make or brake the ego of God herself.
"Oh?"
"Yes, but there was a problem. You were missing page 99."
"Really?"
"Really. It was at a crucial point in the screenplay. Anyway, here's my feedback."
He handed Noah the folded piece of paper, Noah folded it once more and stuck it in his back pocket. He sat down and stared at his notebook. The class began and ended around him. Talking, feedback, relating, listening, cohearance -- these were all skills that the other students exhibited beautifully. He, on the other hand, was seriously lacking in all of these departments.
"Ornamentation," he thought, "I provide exellent ornamentation. That is what I will bring to this class...I will sit here, nod, smile and say ' yeah' and 'uh-huh' at the right moments and just be present...like a beautiful houseplant, a houseplant that talks..."
"Noah,"
Noah stared at his pen. Sometimes it talked to him, but tonight, it was giving him the cold shoulder.
"Noah!"
Noah looked up. It was Matthew, a firey crew-cut-for-corporate-life kid who wrote scripts about the Revolutionary War and Haughty Desire. He was standing over Noah, staring at him. Noah ventured a guess that Matthew was speaking to him. He took a chance.
"Hey Matt."
"Hey."
Noah winced. He was talking to him. He panicked. Then, he retreated back into class mode: smile, nod, look inquisitive, smile, nod, look inquisitive...
"So, " Matt continued, "Do you wanna talk?"
"Oh shit." Noah thought, "Fuck."
"Um, " Noah said, "I don't have your script with me, but if you just wanna hang out..."
"Sure, downstairs? Coffee bar?"
"Okay."
Noah gathered his things and followed Matt out of the classroom. As he descended the stairs to the coffee bar, the trepidation grew at the base of his stomach.
Whatever you do, don't talk about his script, whatever you do, don't talk about his script....
At the bottom of the stairs, inspiration hit Noah like a lightning bolt.
Dog. I have a dog. He needs to be fed.
"Hey, Matt..."
"Yeah?"
"Um, I was thinking...."

WHAT SHOULD NOAH DO? SHOULD HE:
A) Give the lame excuse about feeding his dog?
B) Sit down with Matt and discuss his shitty script?
C) Grab Matt by the belt, pull him close and kiss the shit out of him?
D) Slit his writs?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, BITCH, THIS IS A CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE, BASED ON THE TRUE EVENTS OF NOAH WARREN'S LIFE. SO, VOTE BY LEAVING A COMMENT. THIS ADVENTURE WILL CONTINUE NEXT WEEK, WHEN YOU LEAVE A COMMENT .